Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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