all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize