The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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