Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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