he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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