i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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