I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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