i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize