I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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