i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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