the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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