well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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