Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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