Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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