Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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