The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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