I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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