I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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