oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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