Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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