Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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