When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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