She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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