I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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