I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
A bitchslap is in order.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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