Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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