Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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