I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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