Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize