i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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