Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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