My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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