Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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