So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize