I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize