tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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