I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i died would you start the facebook group?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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