just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize