Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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