I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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