theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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