My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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