You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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