I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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