u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize