I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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