If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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