if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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