I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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