my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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